When you live with chronic illness, it can often feel like life is in a constant state of limbo. You’re caught between the hopes of getting better and the harsh reality that things may never go back to “normal.”
After 6 months of medical leave, I was officially let go from my sales job this week. While I knew this time was coming after not finding any progress or relief in my worsening symptoms this year, it didn’t make it any easier when it actually happened.
It wasn’t just a job, it was my livelihood, my purpose, and my path forward. Losing it felt like losing a large part of my identity, and I’m left wondering how this setback will shape the rest of my life.
For anyone in a similar situation, you probably know what I mean when I say that chronic illness doesn’t just affect your body; it affects every single aspect of your life, including your mental well-being, your relationships, and your future plans. It’s hard to wrap your head around it when you’re used to being someone who is driven, ambitious, and goal oriented.
The Mental Toll of Chronic Illness and Job Loss
One of the hardest aspects of living with chronic illness is the mental toll it takes on you. For me, losing my job was the moment that really drove home how much illness has changed my life. Since I’m still early in my career, having it placed on hold has been a devastating blow. I had lost the structure, the routine, and the feeling of contributing something meaningful that a job can create.
The constant question running through my mind is: Will my life be on indefinite hold because of my illness? This thought consumes me most days. Watching friends and family move forward, getting promotions, purchasing homes, and enjoying hobbies, while I feel stuck has been emotionally draining. Chronic illness already robs you of physical energy, and the emotional toll adds a weight that’s hard to shake.
A sense of guilt in my relationship with my wife also overcame me. Now that I lost my job, I feel guilty that I can't contribute financially the way I used to. Even though she's incredibly supportive, I can't shake the feeling that I'm a burden, especially when I see her taking on the bulk of the financial responsibilities. Am I holding her back from the living the life she deserves? It's an unfair question I often ask myself that can sometimes eat away my sense of worth.
Questions Without Answers: Financial Concerns
Another major stressor is the financial strain that comes with this situation. My wife and I are now living on one income, as I try to get on Long Term Disability at the age of 31. It’s a scary reality to face. Can we survive long-term if this drags on? It’s hard not to let that worry bleed into everyday conversations.
We’ve had to have tough discussions about whether we’ll be able to save for the future, especially since a significant portion of our savings, which was meant to be for a new home, has already been spent on medical expenses and day-to-day costs during my time off.
The dream of owning a home now seems more distant than ever. Are we going to be stuck in an apartment forever? What was once a short-term living situation now feels like a much longer reality. Every passing month without a steady income pushes that dream further out of reach, and the stability we were aiming for seems more fragile than ever.
Losing Purpose: The Identity Crisis of Job Loss
Beyond financial concerns, there’s the more personal, existential question: What’s my purpose now that I’ve lost my job?
When your career is a large part of how you define yourself, losing that role can leave you feeling lost. Couple that with not being able to function well with even basic tasks, makes it even harder. I used to have a clear sense of direction, waking up with a goal in mind whether personally or professionally. Now, without that structure, I feel like I’m floating aimlessly. How do I find a new purpose when my health is so unpredictable?
It's especially tough when you’re still early in your career. Most people in their 20’s and 30s are busy climbing the ladder, building their resumes, networking, and expanding their horizons. Meanwhile, I’m left feeling sidelined indefinitely. The grief is real watching your peers move forward while you’re stuck in place.
My situation has created a deep sense of frustration, envy, and helplessness. The mental image I had of my life, what my career would look like, what I'd accomplish has been shattered, and I'm left trying to figure out what comes next.
Coping with Comparison and Isolation
Social media doesn’t help either. It’s like an endless reel of achievements, milestones, vacationing, and living life, none of which I can relate to anymore. How do you cope with the constant comparisons?
For me, one of the hardest parts of this journey is feeling isolated from the people I care about. It’s not that they don’t understand, many do to the extent that they can, but living with a chronic illness is an experience that’s hard to fully grasp unless you’ve been through it. It creates a kind of invisible barrier between you and the rest of the world.
There’s a loneliness that comes with being in a different phase of life than everyone around you. While others are hitting new career milestones or enjoying their hobbies, I’m struggling just to make it through the day.
Once an avid cyclist and runner, it’s been tough trying to keep up with conversations about these activities coming from a family who still do these things. Pair this with new promotions, vacations, and new homes. It creates mental fatigue, but it’s also just me feeling sorry for myself, something I avoid displaying.
Redefining Success and Finding New Goals
So where do you go from here when your plans have been completely derailed?
One thing I’m learning is that success might look different for me now. It may not involve a promotion or big paycheck, but the small victories, like managing symptoms better, finding new ways to connect with others, or even starting a new project that works with my current abilities.
I’ve started to think more about long-term goals that are adaptable to my health. Could I pursue remote work or other opportunities that allow for more flexibility? Could I develop new skills during this time of uncertainty? Maybe this is why I’m putting effort into this blog, as who knows where it will lead.
Though it’s hard to accept, I’m starting to realize that I might not return to my previous career trajectory, and I try to remind myself that’s okay. I believe what’s important now is finding a way to feel useful, connected, and purposeful, even if it’s in a completely different capacity.
Rebuilding with Hope and Adaptability
If there’s one thing chronic illness has taught me, it’s that life is unpredictable. No matter how much we plan, there's always the unexpected. While I’ve lost my job and a portion of my functionality, I haven’t lost my ability to adapt. I try and tell myself there are still things I can do.
The future is uncertain, but I’m learning to live with that uncertainty versus fighting against it. Chronic illness has put many parts of my life on hold, but it doesn’t have to hold me back entirely. There are still ways to rebuild and move forward, even if it looks different than what I originally imagined.
It hasn’t been easy. The grief is real and painful dealing with chronic illness, losing your job, your savings, and your sense of purpose. But through it all, I’m trying to hold onto the idea that I can create a new life, even if it’s not the one I had planned.
While it feels like I’m watching others move forward, I remind myself that everyone’s path is different. Everyone is going through something. It's an ongoing battle, and while I don't have it all figured out yet, I'm trying to be kinder to myself in the process.
What matters is finding a path that works for me and my wife, given the challenges we’re facing. We may have to stay in our apartment longer than expected, hold off on vacations, and we may have to live on one income for a while, but that doesn’t mean we’re stuck forever.
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